Everyone has them. Those blood relatives or relatives by marriage that just annoy the hell out of you or make you laugh or cringe or think that maybe you were adopted. Let's gossip about them.
I have no doubt I am on the most annoying lists of some of my relatives. Ehh, not my problem. My problem is that there are relatives too numerous to mention in my family that could make my list.
But my most annoying relative is only a relative by marriage. He is my son-in-law married to my oldest daughter. Where to begin?
He has the need to be the center of attention. Whenever there's a family gathering, he has to take center stage. He does this by either pestering the nieces and nephews in the most annoying, lumbering-ox manner possible, chasing them around the room, trying to smear their faces with frosting if it's a birthday gathering, or just being a regular doofus and dominating the conversation.
His antics are not limited to private gatherings. Oh no, not this fellow. He's equally as annoying in public. If you take his family out to dinner, you can be sure that he will start tossing his youngest daughter in the air right at the table and talking baby talk to her, loudly enough for all the heads in the restaurant to turn toward our table. It makes you want to crawl under the table. He's either doing that or yelling at his oldest daughter, who is my stepgranddaughter. She's 11. I think she's probably got Asperger's, because she seems bright enough, but she doesn't pick up on social cues very well. He is constantly yelling at her, correcting trivial things that he thinks she's doing wrong. I really feel sorry for her, but it's not my place to say anything. She's his daughter and no blood relation to me.
He thinks he's smart. I think he even believes he's smarter than me, which we all know is impossible. (Well, unlikely) He likes to chime in on global events, even though he doesn't have a clue what he's talking about. He never watches the news, or follows it online. He's a gamer. That's the only thing he does online is play games. So where could he possibly gather the information to have an intelligent thought about global events? His coworkers at Walmart? He tries to lecture me on the subtleties of a market economy, global warming and much more trivial questions, like the best weed eater to buy.
But perhaps the most annoying thing he did was when I was trying to watch an NFL game during one of these family gatherings. We were the only two people in the house (the rest were out in the backyard enjoying the fall weather) and he hates sports. He doesn't even play sports video games and, as I said, video games are his life.
He kept making snide comments about football and how boring it was. Well then go join the rest of the people in the backyard and leave me in peace is what I should have said. But instead, I said, it's a lot more entertaining than playing video games 24/7. You would have thought I poleaxed him between the eyes, the look he got. Then he had the temerity to compare watching football to watching other people play video games on YouTube, or where ever the nerds watch those sorts of things, instead of playing yourself. I said the big difference is I can't play football to that level and not many people can. Any moron can play a video game with skill if they do it enough. I know because I used to play video games and was pretty damned good at them. I didn't, however, make a religion out of them like this guy seems to have and I gave them up when I grew up. He's 35 and still playing.
The whole conversation disgusted me so much, I got up and and left him in the living room by himself and went to join the party in the backyard.
I have no doubt I am on the most annoying lists of some of my relatives. Ehh, not my problem. My problem is that there are relatives too numerous to mention in my family that could make my list.
But my most annoying relative is only a relative by marriage. He is my son-in-law married to my oldest daughter. Where to begin?
He has the need to be the center of attention. Whenever there's a family gathering, he has to take center stage. He does this by either pestering the nieces and nephews in the most annoying, lumbering-ox manner possible, chasing them around the room, trying to smear their faces with frosting if it's a birthday gathering, or just being a regular doofus and dominating the conversation.
His antics are not limited to private gatherings. Oh no, not this fellow. He's equally as annoying in public. If you take his family out to dinner, you can be sure that he will start tossing his youngest daughter in the air right at the table and talking baby talk to her, loudly enough for all the heads in the restaurant to turn toward our table. It makes you want to crawl under the table. He's either doing that or yelling at his oldest daughter, who is my stepgranddaughter. She's 11. I think she's probably got Asperger's, because she seems bright enough, but she doesn't pick up on social cues very well. He is constantly yelling at her, correcting trivial things that he thinks she's doing wrong. I really feel sorry for her, but it's not my place to say anything. She's his daughter and no blood relation to me.
He thinks he's smart. I think he even believes he's smarter than me, which we all know is impossible. (Well, unlikely) He likes to chime in on global events, even though he doesn't have a clue what he's talking about. He never watches the news, or follows it online. He's a gamer. That's the only thing he does online is play games. So where could he possibly gather the information to have an intelligent thought about global events? His coworkers at Walmart? He tries to lecture me on the subtleties of a market economy, global warming and much more trivial questions, like the best weed eater to buy.
But perhaps the most annoying thing he did was when I was trying to watch an NFL game during one of these family gatherings. We were the only two people in the house (the rest were out in the backyard enjoying the fall weather) and he hates sports. He doesn't even play sports video games and, as I said, video games are his life.
He kept making snide comments about football and how boring it was. Well then go join the rest of the people in the backyard and leave me in peace is what I should have said. But instead, I said, it's a lot more entertaining than playing video games 24/7. You would have thought I poleaxed him between the eyes, the look he got. Then he had the temerity to compare watching football to watching other people play video games on YouTube, or where ever the nerds watch those sorts of things, instead of playing yourself. I said the big difference is I can't play football to that level and not many people can. Any moron can play a video game with skill if they do it enough. I know because I used to play video games and was pretty damned good at them. I didn't, however, make a religion out of them like this guy seems to have and I gave them up when I grew up. He's 35 and still playing.
The whole conversation disgusted me so much, I got up and and left him in the living room by himself and went to join the party in the backyard.
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